Soul Recovery Andalusia's Blog

Meet Your Shadow Self

6/9/2016

Shadow work is the process of allowing our shadows to arise, to acknowledge them and to explore them thoroughly.

We start on our journey into our so-called 'dark side', when we want to break through certain patterns, or work on fears, anger or shame, or when we want to know why we react and behave the way we do.

Shadows are those parts of our personality that live in us and that we have locked away for one reason or another. We all have been born with a wide range of traits and in our innocence we played them out, but right from the start of our little lives we have been forced to suppress chunks of our human nature.

May be we cried too much, or asked to much. Maybe we were too active or too sensitive, or we wanted too much attention, or too little. Possibly we were laughed at for our tears or fears, or maybe for being proud of our first achievements. Later in life we tried to fit in what we perceived as a desirable personality and suppressed more fears, passions or shame.

How do we find our shadow ?

If we are not aware of the unwanted and hidden parts that make up our shadow self, we will probably have a keen eye for certain traits in others that we admire or dislike. Because ‘It takes one, to know one.’ This means that we are very conscious (to the point of blowing them out of proportion) of the traits in others that reflect our own shadow. Somehow the shadow wants to play out, to come out of its closet, regardless how deep we have buried it and how long we have denied it.

Another way of noticing shadow parts is when we feel uncomfortable or restless by being on our own, or when we feel anxious or depressed. We can be stuck in a story of victim hood, whether that is as a perpetrator or as the one who is wronged. Or when we catch ourselves reacting emotionally on something, i.e. angry, envious, ashamed, shocked, terrified or guilty.

How do we work with shadows ?

In shadow work we have to have the willingness to be honest with ourselves and open to our real experience–not our experience as we think it ‘should be’ conform to certain expectations. This process is about becoming who you really are, the whole, unique, magnificent you. Flaws and failures are relative, you are. Full stop.

Some shadows are real demons and may have gained a lot of strength during the many years they have been suppressed, sometimes over different generations. They can overwhelm us easily and keep us under the hypnosis of fear. Or they play out unconsciously, in self-sabotaging behavior, undermining our good intentions and causing mental or physical havoc.

However, it is possible, with a special technique of observation and after some practice, to work through them too. How transforming and uplifting this work can be you will experience as soon as you feel the power of such a demon subside and you are able to take back the power you have given it, which is pure life energy.

The result of shadow work is usually a sense of great relief, empowerment and inner peace, as denying and avoiding unwanted thoughts and feelings cost a lot of energy.
Our relationships, as much as the one with ourselves as those with others, will change when we gain more self-knowledge, when we are more aware of our projections and when we communicate with more honesty and clarity.

To gain and maintain mental health and have a sustainable joy for life, regular shadow work is in fact inevitable. Bear in mind that when you first start practicing, your everyday life might not be the most appropriate place to face your anger or resentments. Furthermore, if your shadows have messed up your life seriously, we wouldn’t recommend you to do it on your own either. Please contact us when you are interested.

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6 Essential Tips to Nurture Yourself in Depression

25/7/2016

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As everyone who has ever been in a severe depression knows, it comes in stages and it can take many years to develop. At first we deny it, followed by a period of coping with less and less successful strategies, until we are no longer able to cope with it and we have to face and deal with this darkness inside of us.

There is no quick fix available. Even a mind blowing event as a deeply transforming encounter with unconditional love, through meditation, a dark night of the soul or plant medicine for example, is -only- just the beginning. Jack Kornfield, a well known meditation teacher and writer of several books on meditation and enlightenment, has written one under the title 'After The Ecstasy, the Laundry'.. that says it all.

When we see the depression as just an illness to beat, a battle to be won, we miss the (spiritual) meaning of it. The depressed, or the one in 'deep rest', is in a process of transformation. S/he needs to nourish and nurture himself in a proper way to be able to contemplate in a clear mental state on his life and make life changing decisions, instead of numbing himself down with (a mix of) substances. We see depression as a spiritual crisis and I have a few tips on how to nurture yourself during this period of deep inner transition.

6 Essential tips to nurture yourself in depression
(and for the rest of your life)

1. Nature

Nothing helped me as much during the hardest days of my depression as going out in nature. I walked or bicycled at least 2 hours a day. On very low days I let me be driven to a park, to sit there on a bench, letting the dogs do what they needed to do and watched them. To see them play always made me feel a wee bit better. Or some dewdrops on a leaf did it, or a boat crossing a channel in the morning mist, or glistering frost on the branches of a tree.. Out there was so much beauty that could touch my heart. I hungered for beauty during the dark periods to sooth my soul.

2. Writing

Journalling, morning pages*, prose or poems, it doesn't matter how and in which form you put your sorrows, worries and random thoughts on paper. Writing is not an option, really, it's a compulsory medicine. There is no wrong way to do it, you cannot fail, because it's for your eyes only.

*Morning pages is a method brought to life by Julia Cameron in her book 'The Artist Way, a guide in discovering and recovering your creative self'. First thing in the morning, even before tea, coffee or breakfast, you let all the debris of your mind out, poor it over some pages and put it away. Then you can start your day. It is that simple.
This is a proven way to clear the fog and the residue of dreams and open your mind to the soft, inner voice of your intuition, inspiration and even the voice of your higher self or creator, if you believe you have. After some weeks you'll start to see chances and opportunities where you were previously blind.

Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken things with gold, is interwoven with the philosophy of 'wabi sabi' which means 'to find beauty in broken or old things'

3. Give in

In plain language: Pain is part of life. And because you are life, not just a part of it, pain is part of you. If you allow it, pain can be your teacher. It shows you where you hold on to things, people or ideas that don't serve your soul's journey anymore and where change is needed. Resistance against pain, trying to avoid to make amends, holding on to your being 'right' or denying you actively can do something for yourself, causes your suffering. And this suffering will not end until you surrender and make the amends. Let this sink in..

So first, allow yourself to feel deeply. You can trust that your heart can bear it all. Grief. Regret. Shame. Guilt. Fear. You are carrying it in you for a long time already, don't underestimate the intelligence and strength of your heart. In fact, there is nothing more comforting and healing than to feel that you can come home in your own heart. Because that is what we were looking for, when we were trying to avoid it, weren't we? A safe haven, Home.
Welcome your feelings one by one. Although it may hurt, the real feeling is always less painful than our fear tells us. Then let compassion arise for the perfectly imperfect human being that you are.

When you can accept that pain is part of this life, that this pain is you, and that it points you to a part of yourself that needs care or change, you become your own therapist, your own guru, and you have found Home.

4. Conscious Bodywork (low energy)

In case you have an anxiety or panic attack, try to breath the 4-7-8 method. After only a few breaths the respiratory system will send a message to your brain that the body is calming down, it lowers stress hormones, blood pressure and heart rate. It is really simple, you take a deep belly breath through your nose counting to 4, hold your breath counting to 7 and exhale slowly through your half-open mouth counting to 8. Do this 4 times.

Another great tool to get out of neuro drama, is the body scan, becoming aware of your body. Start to feel the soles of your feet, you'll feel a little tinkle of energy, then each of your toes, your whole feet, ankles, calves, knees, thighs, buttocks, hips, lower back, abdomen, middle back, stomach, upper back, breast, shoulders, arms, hands, each of your fingers, neck, jaws (release the tension!), mouth, cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead, ears, backside of the head and the crown of your head.

Do this mindful body scan as many times as you think about it. Check in with yourself any time, feel how you feel. It brings you back to your center, which is pure, unaltered consciousness, and will help you remember that you are so much more than the depression. It'll take a few times of practice and then you can do it even while you're working.

Pine apple smoothie with pear& coconut milk

5. Food & drinks

We cannot say it often enough, try to avoid sugar as much as possible, in food but also in drinks. Soft drinks & alcohol are loaded with it as is all processed and canned food. All 'Light' products contain an artificial sweetener, such as aspartame, which is even worse than sugar.

Sugar may give us a quick, short term comfort, but a long, heavy change in blood sugar levels and brain function, which in itself makes us feel uneasy and crave for more and more. Often we eat while we are in fact thirsty. Somehow our brain doesn't always make a distinction. Dehydration also causes mood swings.

So when you really want to nurture yourself during a low, drink plenty of water and herb tea with honey and eat a clean, high energy diet with enough good fats, your brain needs it. Even if it is just one smoothie a day that is brimming with good nutrients, that's a start! You'd be amazed if you knew how much your diet effects your mood.

6. Avoid negative people & find your tribe

I can make many suggestions, but you know best which people and situations drain your energy and which feed you and lift you up, especially when you are that 1 in 5 persons that is gifted with a higher sensitivity (hsp).

For a Highly Sensitive Person it is of utmost importance to find out what drains you, what feeds you and then put up some boundaries. Because we pick up so much more information, we feel it also more, deeper and longer. For anyone who feels repeatedly drained in certain situations would it be wise to listen to the signs and make the necessary changes. It may seem impossible, but when you allow yourself to take your (mental) health and future serious and start taking small steps to set yourself free from damaging relationships, they say that 'the universe will bend over backwards to help you to reach your goals'.

For everybody counts 'Don't stay where you are just tolerated.' Life is too short to try to win people for you. Energies match and harmonize with each other or they collide. It is better to let go gracefully and find your own tribe with whom you can make a real heart-connection. And remember, rejection can also be seen from another perspective, as a redirection, and those are often for the better.

-Gerda-

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Allow Change To Happen

6/5/2016

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Since the launch of Soul Recovery last November, we have spoken with many people and have moved to the hill farm that we have written about in our latest blog. The ones that visited us, shared our enthusiasm about the cortijo and the surroundings. Unpretentious in its rustic simplicity and with an abundance of natural beauty, very equipped for our work. Re-connecting with the natural world outside and within us. Reaching out for the stars, finding our life’s purpose and meaning. Dark, messy soul work to discover what withholds us from living that life. And it seems that our program attracts a wider range of people than we ever have imagined.

Therefor, and according to our own motto, ‘Let go and allow change to happen’, we open up a bit more, adjust a little, rewrite some parts, and offer to facilitate our program for everybody who is on a path to recovery, growth, transformation or healing.

Some will stand at the start of that path, blinded by the sudden light of their own consciousness, while others will already be walking it for years and questioning themselves if they are ever going to make sense of it. We will do all that lies within our reach to create an atmosphere in which everybody is equal and holding the space wherein you can be more and more your authentic self.

We invite you to revisit the website and read about the new possibilities. Don’t hesitate to contact us for more information, we are glad to answer all your questions.

-Gerda-

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A New Home for Soul Recovery

17/3/2016

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Eight months ago, I expressed the desire to live on a mountain farm, surrounded by nature and working with the land on which I lived, but it turned out that we rented a townhouse and decided to stay there for a while..

The first light, coming in through the large windows, wakes me up. The orange glow of dawn peeps over the mountains through a tangle of leafless branches of the big chestnut tree next to the house. Slowly the sky turns lighter and the branches get a golden sheen. Nikita, our little scruffy terrier-mix, is yawning loud, as if to say that it is time to get into action. When I come down, Bob has been dressed already and is pouring tea in our cups. We drink together in the cool morning sun overlooking the Valley of the Eternal Father. No traffic, wifi antennas or other eyesores in our view. The only sound is of birds, dogs and the breeze, that blows from the National Park Sierra Nevada and is stimulating fresh.

This large house full of quirky eccentricities, bathing in the rising sun and surrounded by chestnut, cedar, walnut and orange trees which protect it from the hot summer sun, is our new home. Definitely a house with a soul. Unexpectedly it crossed our path and we accepted it gratefully without taking much note of the state it was in. It was love at first sight and a heart's decision on a heart's desire was quickly made.

The early sunlight invites me to shoot some pictures. Of the abandoned swing, a ramshackle tree house, the pool that needs some love and care and the pride of the finca, an 800 year old olive tree. Imagine, this tree has been planted in the 1200's! In the days that the Moorish kings, who reigned Al Andaluz, built and lived in the Alhambra, now on the World Heritage list and for a reason, it is a huge piece of art, as is this tree.

I wander over the various terraces, see half a landscaped vegetable plot, the empty chicken coop, yesterday's prunings on a heap, the container with compost tea and suddenly, yes, quite surprisingly, it penetrates completely, I live on a farm! I remember a bicycle tour through the polder when I was eight years old, along large farmhouses towards Schoorl, half pushed by my father's big hand in my neck against a headwind, and I cried to him, "Daddy, I want to become a farmer!"

At the end of a productive day I'm on the top terrace under a deep black sky dotted with thousands and thousands of stars and my mind wanders off to the guests that we will receive here, friends, family and newcomers. A large, beautifully set table in the shade of olive trees, full of homemade goodies. The tinao, a covered connection between house and land, organized as a chill area. I dream about the friendships that will emerge here or grow deeper and family ties growing stronger, as our ties with Mother Nature will do, the Great Healer herself. I envision fire ceremonies and heart sharing circles during full moon, calling upon the spirits of the four directions for guidance in our lives. How much my life has changed since I wholeheartedly started doing that!
Just to stand here, with this big starry sky, and becoming aware of the future that I'm dreaming into life .. isn't it miraculous?

Update march 2017:

We have moved on due to the sale of the farm. We are now living in the province of Málaga nearby the top of the Sierra Tejeda, again surrounded by nature and wildlife and still running our program.

-Gerda-

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High Sensitivity and Depression

6/2/2016

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As promised, I write this time about higher sensitivity and the link with depression and addiction.

During the first years of my depression I have read piles of books and articles to get an idea of how the psyche normally works, how it reacts to trauma and how to recover and heal. In that research I stumbled upon the term 'High Sensitive Person', shortened to HSP. It was a big eye-opener at that time and reading through a number of articles it became clear why I reacted so strongly to stress, violent movies or other people's negativity, to name a few triggers. And why I got so easily emotional when touched by kindness, tenderness or beauty. It all made sense suddenly.

We, HSP's, have a nervous system that is more sensitive than usual. Studies have shown that people born with a more fearful and submissive character, have more chance to develop a higher sensitivity, because the safety of their environment is more important to them than to confident, dominant people. We scan our surroundings, people's faces and body language continuously, that means that we collect loads more information that we need to digest and store. No need to say that we can easily become overloaded and so-called 'burn out', especially when we don't know that we are highly sensitive nor how to manage this.

Besides the feeling of being chronically stretched and out of sync with others who run jobs, households and relationships seemingly effortlessly, life can be very harsh and overwhelming for people with this trait. Often this becomes a reason to withdraw from our communities, causing isolation and depression. When not effectively addressed and without an alternative way to give air to our rich and complex inner life, in creativity for example, the urge to numb our feelings becomes strong. On top of the depression grows often a dependency on (prescription) drugs, alcohol or other coping strategies. Because it's all interrelated, something that is widely overlooked.

Acknowledging that you have a high sensitivity is one thing, but accepting it and allowing yourself to make adjustments, is something that can be a challenge. It took me some years, but I am fairly stubborn, not giving in easily.

When you initially find out that you have this quality, while feeling near to a breakdown, I would suggest that you make a list of situations and people that drain your energy. Try to find a way to avoid exposure to these situations and people. Force yourself to say 'No, thank you.', when you feel a 'No' in your body. I'm not suggesting to isolate yourself (even more), but attending family dinners, gigs or celebrations with people you don't feel at ease with, is not obligatory.
Don't forget to make a second list with activities and people that inspire and nourish you. Find your own little tribe of like-minded souls, they are out there. If you are like me, and have withdrawn and isolated yourself for some years, you will be surprised to discover that you can connect and spend time with others without feeling bored or drained within an hour.

It helped me a lot to spend more time in nature, preferably close to water, relaxing in the garden, wandering alongside a river, or a swim in the sea. It is amazing what this does for your whole being. Let mother nature re-balance your energy levels, she is an extraordinary healer. Lastly, a valuable practice that I took on board, was treating myself daily with an hours private time. Just one of the twenty four, you are worth it too. Make yourself a safe, little sanctuary, even if it is a sheltered spot in your garden, decorate it beautifully and use this sacred space to reconnect with your heart and its wisdom. It's there, always available for you.

When you know yourself on a deeper level, have learned what triggers your stress reactions, what drains your energy and what makes you feel really uplifted or at peace, you have transformed this formerly hidden part of you that acted out of the shadows, into your strong ally that enables you to see 'in the dark' and enriches your life tremendously.

-Gerda-

What do we do

For further reading on this subject:

Take Dr. Elaine Aron's High Sensitivity Test
Amanda Flaker points out the difference between being an empath and a highly sensitive person

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Is Your Drinking a Problem? Take The Test

27/1/2016

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I am frequently asked if I think that somebody's drinking is a problem. This is often presented as a list of justifications why the questioner is in fact not drinking in an alcoholic way. However, this question can only be answered for oneself, anything more is just opinion. Below is the World Health Organization’s AUDIT test that help us to assess the state of our relationship with alcohol.

The AUDIT Test for Alcohol Addiction

The AUDIT (Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test) was developed by the World Health Organization (WHO). The test correctly classifies 95% of people into either alcoholics or non-alcoholics. It was tested on 2000 people before being published.

To correctly answer some of these questions you need to know the definition of a drink. For this test one drink is:
One can of beer (12 oz or approx 330 ml of 5% alcohol), or
One glass of wine (5 oz or approx 140 ml of 12% alcohol), or
One shot of spirit (1.5 oz or approx 40 ml of 40% alcohol)

1. How often do you have a drink containing alcohol?
Never (score 0)
Monthly or Less (score 1)
2-4 times a month (score 2)
2-3 times a week (score 3)
4 or more times a week (score 4)

2. How many alcoholic drinks do you have on a typical day when you are drinking?
1 or 2 (0)
3 or 4 (1)
5 or 6 (2)
7-9 (3)
10 or more (4)

3. How often do you have 6 or more drinks on one occasion?
Never (0)
Less than monthly (1)
Monthly (2)
Weekly (3)
Daily or almost daily (4)

4. How often during the past year have you found that you drank more or for a longer time than you intended?
Never (0)
Less than monthly (1)
Monthly (2)
Weekly (3)
Daily or almost daily (4)

5. How often during the past year have you failed to do what was normally expected of you because of your drinking?
Never (0)
Less than monthly (1)
Monthly (2)
Weekly (3)
Daily or almost daily (4)

6. How often during the past year have you had a drink in the morning to get yourself going after a heavy drinking session?
Never (0)
Less than monthly (1)
Monthly (2)
Weekly (3)
Daily or almost daily (4)

7. How often during the past year have you felt guilty or remorseful after drinking?
Never (0)
Less than monthly (1)
Monthly (2)
Weekly (3)
Daily or almost daily (4)

8. How often during the past year have you been unable to remember what happened the night before because of your drinking?
Never (0)
Less than monthly (1)
Monthly (2)
Weekly (3)
Daily or almost daily (4)

9. Have you or anyone else been injured as a result of your drinking?
No (0)
Yes, but not in the past year (2)
Yes, during the past year (4)

10. Has a relative, friend, doctor, or health care worker been concerned about your drinking, or suggested that you cut down?
No (0)
Yes, but not in the past year (2)
Yes, during the past year (4)

Your score:
If you scored 8-10 or more, you are probably addicted to alcohol.

It may seem like the AUDIT questionnaire is an easy test to fail. If you applied this test to other aspects of your life you will almost certainly come up as being addicted to something. For example, most people watch too much television, social media or eat too much of their favorite food. But those are so-called "soft addictions", and the AUDIT questionnaire was not designed to assess them. It is extremely reliable when it comes to assessing alcohol addiction.

The sad fact is that many people do not take action before it is too late. If you haven't scored very well in this test, then now could be the right time to address the life issues that cause you to use alcohol as a part of a coping strategy. At Soul Recovery Andalusia we offer programs to help you with these issues.

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Early Recovery, How Fragile We Are

18/1/2016

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How would you describe your first tentative steps into recovery? How did you make it through? How fragile were you?

It is hard to clearly recall much of my first few months in recovery as I spent most of my time in a groggy haze and a whirlwind of emotions. Dizzy mood swings took me through fear, extreme change, exhilarating gratitude, guilt, self loathing, pride, loneliness, depression and self doubt all at the same time. I felt vulnerable for the first time since my schooldays. “I can't go on” was an almost daily mountain in my way. Sweaty night terrors disturbed my fragile sleep, I was losing weight, appetite and strength, but I was desperate for change, I had no choice, so total was my downfall that this was my only hope.

I had expected some kind of withdrawal symptoms and a need to detoxify, but I had no idea that the residual effects would go on for so long. Physically my body could not be relied on to perform the tasks I asked. I was irritatingly clumsy and simple actions were unpredictable, mentally I was only semi conscious, logical thought became arduous, and spiritually I was nursing the tiny glint that had survived the catastrophe.

Foolishly, I thought that all I had to do was stop the drinking, the drugs, the ‘me’, ‘me’, ‘me’, then all would be fine again. I thought I could be selective in numbing my feelings, my fears. The truth was that I had numbed everything and in moments of clarity it all came rushing back, I was totally unprepared for all of that. I wanted rewards for my efforts, trumpets and cheering crowds, instead I got mercilessly beaten up by guilt, regret and shame.

Me, a.k.a. Chalkie White, in the good old, bad old days

I contacted the local self help group who gladly took me under their wings. My first meeting was terrifying, I questioned everything and vowed never to go back. I did however go back. In time I realized that if I side-stepped the dogma, then the fellowship of kindred spirits, with a genuine desire to help, provided me with some welcomed comfort. They accepted me, as unconventional as I was, and roared with laughter when I told them I thought my destiny was to be a rock god, but I had ended up in the Salvation Army Band.
Through these individuals I learnt that, although our paths may be different, we walk together during certain stretches, helping each other along the way, all bound to our individual destinies.

I got through my first few months, by grace more than effort, because somehow I felt ‘held’ in those moments of despair. This feeling of ‘being held’ brought with it the realization that my ‘illness’, with all its facets, was an ‘illness’ of the soul that abstinence alone would not heal. True recovery for me would only be possible by nurturing and nourishing the glint that had survived, to build up enough strength to address the hidden wounds.
Listening to my inner voice and redefining my life’s purpose reignited the flame that was completely wiped out by abuse.
At that point I felt that I wasn't just recovering from drunkenness but I had at last started to heal my wounded soul.

***If you feel that you would like to share your own experiences, I would love to hear from you.***

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Shining Light onto the Dark Night of the Soul

4/1/2016

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It has been 16 years since I experienced a so-called 'dark night of the soul'. Not as a result of a spiritual practice, like the 16th century's mystic San Juan who coined the expression, but at the rock bottom of a depression that had been hibernating ever since the domestic madness of my youth came to an end.

During the winter of the new millenium, a depression took me deeper into oblivion then ever before. After 8 months fighting the thickening fog, trying not to fall in the abyss of the growing void and to keep engaged in my work and relationship, I eventually came to understand that my thinking mind was not going to help me; in fact, that it was working against me. My mind was filled with a thick tenacious substance and I was exhausted from trying to find my way out, it just didn't move in any direction.
I was lost. Sitting on an island with a thick glass wall around it, not able to connect or make real contact with anybody, and not knowing how to get off. Not knowing anything at all.

I'd had lingering thoughts about suicide for a long time already, but now at 40, I perceived it as the only way out of this miserable life and I wanted to prepare myself for when the moment was there.

*·.·*·.·*·.*·.·*·.·*·.*·.·*·.·*·.*·.·*·.·*·.*·.·*·.·*·.*·.·*·.·*·.·*

One of those days, laying on the settee in my living room, I started to visualize how I would do it, envisioning the whole process step-by-step; the letters that I wanted to write, what I would do with my cats, the last goodbye's, the last words to my partner, the thoughts of doubt that might come up, every tiny detail. Finally, after 30 or 40 minutes of careful visualization, when I had left everyting and everybody behind, passed the point of no return in my visualization and felt that all attachment, fear and resistance had left me, I became totally calm.. and then something unexpected happened.

Deep inside me something burst open and I felt a fountain of pure, unconditional love coming out of the depths of my self. Being flooded with pure love after having gone through so much pain and despair, I couldn't stop crying and being in awe at the same time.

This is what the dark night of the soul in essence is about; it is the death of the old and rebirth of a new you, with accompanying labor pains. The experience of the void appears to be a call, a call to embody your truest self and to find the fullness in the depths of the void by surrendering to the unknown.

But I didn't know this at the time, not even that I'd undergone a dark night of the soul. In the days and weeks that followed, I discovered that although this all-encompassing love did come from within, somehow it was its own source. I had little to do with it, it seemed, I didn't need to feed it or care for it, just being the vessel where it could come through. I realized that by letting go of all attachments and surrendering totally, I had gone out of my own way and was free and open for this flow of unconditional love that expanded over the next couple of weeks.

I wish I could tell you that I lived happily ever after, but that's not the case. I was pretty much on my own and had no idea how to proceed after this experience, so unfortunately and to my utter frustration, after a few blissful weeks my old ingrained thought patterns got the best of me. However, my heart was broken open, because a flood of forgotten feelings and emotions that I had been dissociated from since my youth, especially anger, came washing over me. I was in a rage. And I was in a mess. Yes, it had been an awakening, but 'after the party comes the laundry'.. it was just the beginning of a long journey.

What brought real lasting change was taking on a course of energy healing and deciding that I was going to take full responsibility for my health. I found out that I could balance and change my energy field through a consistent daily practice, and come to perceive my past, present and future in a new way. The result of that was amazing, physically, mentally and emotionally. Until today, self-inquiry and shadow work help me to learn to bow my head and take of my armour of limiting beliefs, which are all based on fear.

A beautiful side-effect of consistently paying attention to and caring for our inner life, is that we become much more receptive to the inner voice that is guiding us. And as we become more and more honest and authentic, love what we are doing, love who we are with, including ourselves, depression gives way to the joy of an evergrowing feeling of fullness and love.

If you are on the edge of giving up, please, reach out to someone near, a therapist, a mentor, or contact me. I am only one call or one message away.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

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Christmas Anxiety - Survive and Thrive

20/12/2015

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If the sights and sounds of Christmas evoke dread, anxiety or depression, you’re certainly not alone. It’s likely that many of your friends, family members, workmates and neighbors experience similar emotions. There’s just so much to do — last-minute shopping for the perfect gifts, food shopping, decorating the home, organizing the family get togethers, cards, more shopping, where to hide the presents so prying eyes won’t find them and the cost of it all! — it goes on and on. It’s enough to make you want to run and hide!......hey, take a break and consider a strategy for enjoying Christmas with a minimum of struggle, and a little joy...

Here are some suggestions that might help:

Think ahead

Whatever it is about Christmas that’s got you out of sorts, imagine whether that same concern will be bothering when the festivities are over and you are well into the new year and you probably won’t even recall the gut-wrenching emotions in one or 10 years’ time. This helps you build a cushion against mounting anxiety and creates a little space you can use to safely navigate the season.

Go small

Instead of fixating on bigger and larger quantities, make a conscious effort to downsize. This goes for the number of gifts you buy, the number and types of social engagements you accept or invite others to attend. Trying to get the very best deal on a much-wanted item and so much more. After all, it isn’t, or shouldn’t be, how expensive or exclusive something is. Concentrate on giving from the heart.

Stop feeling you have to be perfect.

It doesn’t have to be the party of the year. You don’t need to be the host whose event is talked about for months to come. If you can make yourself believe that you don’t have to be perfect, you’ll alleviate a lot of stress and accumulated tension. Your digestion will likely benefit as well, since your stomach won’t be tied up in knots over trying to insist on perfection.

Create something lasting.

If you’ve lost a loved one and the holidays are too painful, consider creating something lasting for the remaining family members and loved ones in your life. This could be a family scrapbook, a handwritten letter you put in a “time capsule” of sorts. In their memory bring joy to the lonely, surprise your elderly neighbor with a home-cooked meal.

Give to yourself

Remember that it’s the thought that counts. If you give something to yourself with love, you will remember and appreciate it. You’ll also have a warm spot in your heart knowing you’ve helped bring a little joy to yourself as well as others.

Forgive yourself
Everyone has regrets. You likely have some as well. If you’re beating yourself up for being inconsiderate, not living up to your word, being rude or impatient or mean to others, spending too much money, neglecting your responsibilities, or drinking too much, now is the time for a little self-forgiveness. Your desire to make positive changes actually begins with forgiving yourself. There’s no better time of the year to start than right now.

Watch your diet

Overindulging in food or drink during Christmas is a surefire way to suffer repercussions later. Not only will you feel remorse, you may have other consequences as a result. By paying mindful attention to what you put into your mouth, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor, now and later. To thrive during the festivities, exercise discretion and make wise choices in food and drink.

Be grateful

Finally, this is the season to be thankful. And you’ve got a lot to be grateful for, regardless of how much you’ve thought about it. You’re alive, for one thing and one thing only. Life is precious.
Every day you are on this earth is another opportunity to make a difference, to celebrate life and the deliciousness of living. It won’t come by this way again, so make the most of today. Adopt an attitude of gratitude and you’ll really begin to thrive this Christmas.

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